a well lit way

These next couple of posts will sort of be two fold.  I want to tell the story of how Chris and I came to be parents and I have something to share that has been on my heart concerning adoption and its many stereotypes.  There are going to be some gaps in this story and that is only because if I shared every detail of our story, it would be way longer than you have time to read or I have time to write.  But, I will do my best to paint a picture for you of the first time that I saw/met my son and daughter...

Our situation is a little different than most.  We did not receive a legal adoption right away because of some outstanding circumstances with the birth mom.  We knew this going into it and there were no curve balls thrown our way.  Everything was kept very open and honest and we understood the situation from day one.  With each step we took towards the twins, we felt like we should take the next one so we did.  It was a situation that I swore I would never get into but there I was at the end of September, 2011 in a court house waiting to go on the stand before a judge and petition him to let Chris and I have the babies instead of them being put into foster care.  Before that day, I had seen a couple pictures of the babies (they were about four months old then and we had been made aware of their existence only a month before) but had never met them.  Since we didn't know which way the judge would side, we thought it would be best to wait to meet them until we knew for sure they would be living with us.  So, we get there and head upstairs to wait in a small lobby until they called our names to come into the courtroom.  A few minutes later the birth mom and father arrive along with the birth father's grandmother and two of the birth mom's teenage sons.  We had met the birth mom one other time but had never met any of the others.  It was awkward.  And I just kept thinking, "What a crazy situation.  What are we doing?  This is weird.  How did we get here?"    About that time, I see my mom turn the corner with a smile on her face saying, "Look who I ran into on the elevator!"  And there they were.  There were my kids.  She ran into my kids on the elevator.  They had been living with (and being loved in a wonderful way) their biological cousin and her family since they were born and she had arrived with them.  It was not very magical at all.  I was nervous as it was.  We were in the lobby with strangers.  I was insecure.  I mean, my mom met my kids before I did.  Ha.  It was so weird. Emma had on a pink polka dotted outfit and Chance had on a blue outfit.  He had insanely bad reflux so he was barfing all over everyone.  Emma looked like a deer in headlights and I could totally relate. The birth mom got up and went over to them.  So did the birth father.  I didn't.  At that point, I didn't feel like it was my place.  For all I knew, my life would carry on as "normal" the next day.  I woke up as a non-mom and might just fall asleep the same way.  Again, it was weird.  I didn't go over to them but I soaked them up with my eyes as best I could.  Trying to maintain some sort of level-headedness but I couldn't help but notice how beautiful Chance's eyes were and I really couldn't help the overwhelming feeling I had to kiss Emma's round cheeks.  Still all the while telling myself to keep it cool.  Whatever that means.  Before I knew it, they were whisked away to stay in a nursery until the trial was over.  And then we waited for about one million hours to finally be called back.  I got on the stand and I know for certain that I looked like I was about to pee in my pants/I was seeing a ghost/confused/terrified.  Deer in headlights.  I answered lots of questions from a few attorneys.  I can't remember one of them.  I got off the stand and went and sat down with Chris and my mom (she's a cop so she got to stay back there for the whole trial...lucky her).  A few minutes later I heard some mumbling from the judge that didn't make any sense at all until I heard him say, "The twins will be awarded to the Wang's..."  It was all blah blah blah after that because I heard that sentence loud and clear and my head started spinning, my heart started pounding, and my hands started sweating.  They were ours.  I did in fact wake up a non-mom and would go to sleep a mom-mom.  It was the strangest feeling and none of it really took place how I thought it would.  Things rarely do.  I didn't feel how I thought I would.  I didn't respond how I thought I would.  I didn't cry.  I really didn't get over emotional at all.  The case was dismissed and people were coming up to us congratulating us all the while I was saying in my head, "Did that judge just say that those two beautiful barfing and big cheeked children were ours???"  A lady came over to give us something to sign.  It was no big deal.  I was just signing that I was a mom.  It all happened so quickly and before I knew it we were standing in front of the elevators taking pictures with my family of four.  We had two weeks to get everything ready to have twins.  And when I say everything that's what I mean.  Paint, buy cribs, buy diapers, buy clothes, get car seats, and I could literally keep naming every single thing that two babies need because we had none of it.  We have the most amazing family and friends who threw together a few showers and before I could say, "We're not ready!" we were ready and here they came.  I will continue with part two next time.  I know you'll be dying until then. ;)

Proof of the puke