These next couple of posts will sort of be two fold.  I want to tell the story of how Chris and I came to be parents and I have something to share that has been on my heart concerning adoption and its many stereotypes.  There are going to be some gaps in this story and that is only because if I shared every detail of our story, it would be way longer than you have time to read or I have time to write.  But, I will do my best to paint a picture for you of the first time that I saw/met my son and daughter...

Our situation is a little different than most.  We did not receive a legal adoption right away because of some outstanding circumstances with the birth mom.  We knew this going into it and there were no curve balls thrown our way.  Everything was kept very open and honest and we understood the situation from day one.  With each step we took towards the twins, we felt like we should take the next one so we did.  It was a situation that I swore I would never get into but there I was at the end of September, 2011 in a court house waiting to go on the stand before a judge and petition him to let Chris and I have the babies instead of them being put into foster care.  Before that day, I had seen a couple pictures of the babies (they were about four months old then and we had been made aware of their existence only a month before) but had never met them.  Since we didn't know which way the judge would side, we thought it would be best to wait to meet them until we knew for sure they would be living with us.  So, we get there and head upstairs to wait in a small lobby until they called our names to come into the courtroom.  A few minutes later the birth mom and father arrive along with the birth father's grandmother and two of the birth mom's teenage sons.  We had met the birth mom one other time but had never met any of the others.  It was awkward.  And I just kept thinking, "What a crazy situation.  What are we doing?  This is weird.  How did we get here?"    About that time, I see my mom turn the corner with a smile on her face saying, "Look who I ran into on the elevator!"  And there they were.  There were my kids.  She ran into my kids on the elevator.  They had been living with (and being loved in a wonderful way) their biological cousin and her family since they were born and she had arrived with them.  It was not very magical at all.  I was nervous as it was.  We were in the lobby with strangers.  I was insecure.  I mean, my mom met my kids before I did.  Ha.  It was so weird. Emma had on a pink polka dotted outfit and Chance had on a blue outfit.  He had insanely bad reflux so he was barfing all over everyone.  Emma looked like a deer in headlights and I could totally relate. The birth mom got up and went over to them.  So did the birth father.  I didn't.  At that point, I didn't feel like it was my place.  For all I knew, my life would carry on as "normal" the next day.  I woke up as a non-mom and might just fall asleep the same way.  Again, it was weird.  I didn't go over to them but I soaked them up with my eyes as best I could.  Trying to maintain some sort of level-headedness but I couldn't help but notice how beautiful Chance's eyes were and I really couldn't help the overwhelming feeling I had to kiss Emma's round cheeks.  Still all the while telling myself to keep it cool.  Whatever that means.  Before I knew it, they were whisked away to stay in a nursery until the trial was over.  And then we waited for about one million hours to finally be called back.  I got on the stand and I know for certain that I looked like I was about to pee in my pants/I was seeing a ghost/confused/terrified.  Deer in headlights.  I answered lots of questions from a few attorneys.  I can't remember one of them.  I got off the stand and went and sat down with Chris and my mom (she's a cop so she got to stay back there for the whole trial...lucky her).  A few minutes later I heard some mumbling from the judge that didn't make any sense at all until I heard him say, "The twins will be awarded to the Wang's..."  It was all blah blah blah after that because I heard that sentence loud and clear and my head started spinning, my heart started pounding, and my hands started sweating.  They were ours.  I did in fact wake up a non-mom and would go to sleep a mom-mom.  It was the strangest feeling and none of it really took place how I thought it would.  Things rarely do.  I didn't feel how I thought I would.  I didn't respond how I thought I would.  I didn't cry.  I really didn't get over emotional at all.  The case was dismissed and people were coming up to us congratulating us all the while I was saying in my head, "Did that judge just say that those two beautiful barfing and big cheeked children were ours???"  A lady came over to give us something to sign.  It was no big deal.  I was just signing that I was a mom.  It all happened so quickly and before I knew it we were standing in front of the elevators taking pictures with my family of four.  We had two weeks to get everything ready to have twins.  And when I say everything that's what I mean.  Paint, buy cribs, buy diapers, buy clothes, get car seats, and I could literally keep naming every single thing that two babies need because we had none of it.  We have the most amazing family and friends who threw together a few showers and before I could say, "We're not ready!" we were ready and here they came.  I will continue with part two next time.  I know you'll be dying until then. ;)

Proof of the puke

Pain and sorts

As humans, we naturally and fleshly want to avoid pain of any kind.  Some people even inflict themselves with pain in order to relieve another area of pain just hoping for some type of relief.  We get crazy when we are in pain or when we know it's coming.  The thought of it can cause us to live in debilitating fear if we allow.

In The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis basically says that the problem of pain is that we don't want it.  There are times in life where we choose a certain path and the pain that inflicts afterwards is only a result of our choosing.  And then there are other times in life when we are just walking along minding our own business and we are hit with a mack truck of pain that we never saw coming.  In either of those situations, God is there.  Whether we inflict or are inflicted, He is sovereign.

Over the last few months, two people whom I love dearly have literally been saved because they were experiencing a great deal of physical pain.  I hated so much to see them go through such a hard time but as I look back, I am so thankful that the Lord made our bodies in a way that they tell us when something isn't right.  At the time, you just want to die but the truth is that if not for the pain, you would have died by not knowing that anything was awry.  It really is amazing.  Our spiritual lives are so similar.  It's the emotional pain and heart break that seems to bring us back to life if we will let it.  You may not even realize that you are slowly dying spiritually until you experience a great deal of pain and then it wakes you up to new life.  I mean seriously, Jesus suffered more emotional and physical pain than I will ever know and it saved me.  It woke me.  It lives in me.

In the last year or so, I have had such a love/hate relationship with pain but as I am allowing the Lord to do His work in me, it is beginning to transform from a love/hate stance to a trusting stance.  In the pain I will trust.  In the pain I will abide.  In the pain I will give thanks.  In the pain I will love.  In the pain I will not fear pain.  It brings me into such an intimate place with my Savior that I cannot stand to hate it.  I just sit in it.  And sitting in it draws me in deeper and I drink Him in.  He is life.

I haven't written anything in a little over a year because my life got crazier than I ever expected, but I'd like to pick back up.  I still haven't told the story of how we met and welcomed Chance and Emma (my 21 month old twins) into our home and I would also like to share some other tidbits of life.  I love the bloggers who keep it real so I'll do my best to do the same. :)

I'm not moving the golf balls.

I realized that on my Christmas Part 1 I forgot to include a little bio about Chris' step-mom, Tracy.

That's her and Chris's dad.  She's already very pretty but she's lost a good bit of weight lately and she looks amazing (Does anyone else feel weird when you tell someone how great they look during or after they've lost weight?  I never want them to think that they weren't beautiful before.  Anyway...).  They were married a little over six years ago and she has been a huge blessing to the family.  This is her first marriage and she doesn't have any biological children but Chris, Michael, Ashley, and myself all feel like we belong to her. :)  She's wonderful and boy does she love her grandchildren.  And they love their Nana!

Well, I feel like we have a new member in our household.  We don't but we do have an all out maniac and so things have really picked up in the last few days.  Behold, our mobile mover...

He is everywhere and into everything.  While it keeps me on my feet much more, I really love it.  I love seeing him grow and explore.  He really tries to figure out how everything works even at his ripe age of (almost) eight months.  I love to see his little brain growing and soaking up the world around him.  So far, I am enjoying every stage...ask me if I still am in 13 years. ;)

And this one is content just doing this.

Thankfully.  And don't you want to eat her legs?!?!  They are begging for it.

The twins have tons of toys, too many probably, and some really fun ones, too.  Emma is completely content playing with her dolls, keys, teethers, a gigantic fork that came with the cutest picnic set, etc.  Chance on the other hand wants everything that he can't have.  Shocker.  How people say that we are born perfect is beyond me.  Chris even went out and bought a $3 remote control because he wanted ours so badly.

Don't worry, it was washed.

Chris loves to play golf and he has a little putter practice set that we keep under our coffee table.

Right now, it is Chance's main goal in life to play with those golf balls and it is mine to make sure that he does not.  I am refusing to move the golf balls.  Chris has moved them, I moved them back, my mom gives me a hard time about it, my aunt says that I should just move them and you may be thinking this very second that I am a lunatic for just not moving the golf balls.  Here's my explanation (not that I owe one)...

1.  They are not dangerous.  If the golf balls were covered in blades, I may consider moving them.

2.  He knows what the word "no" means.  He cries when I tell him no and sometimes even pounds his fist on the carpet.

3.  It's my house and I like where the golf balls are.

4.  And most importantly in my humble opinion, his life is going to be filled with tons of "golf balls" if you will.

So many times I just want something removed from my life because it would make things so much easier on me.  Yet it remains.  It would be a whole lot easier on me and Chance if I would just move the golf balls but I feel that even at this young of age, that is leading down a path of teaching him that we always get what we want.  There is probably going to be a really annoying person in his fifth grade class and we will not remove him from the class or ask that the other child is removed from the class (heck, he may be the annoying one).  He may have an unfair baseball coach but we will finish out the season with a good attitude...even if his dad is that coach ;).  When he is a married man, there may be a pretty lady at work that he can't fire...he is going to have to choose to avoid the "golf balls."

I know that he isn't even a year old but at what point do we as parents begin to disciple our children?  Unfortunately, a lot of times after it's too late.  Or what we say and how we let them act are completely opposite and it gives them a sense of confusion about who God is.  I want more for him.  I want him to know the need for Christ and I want it truly modeled by his parents.    

I'm certainly not claiming to know it all.  I do not and I need the Lord's daily, hourly, momentarily grace to make it through the day.  But I will tell you one thing...I'm not moving those golf balls and hopefully he'll thank me for it one day.

Christmas Part 1

We had a wonderful Christmas.  Last year I was fighting tears all day because I wanted so badly to be sharing our day with children or at least have on one the way and this year I was running around like a crazy person trying to get two babies out of the house and to our NINE (you read that right but they weren't all on Sunday) Christmases on time.  It was great.  Here are some pics from all the fun.

 My hunny and I at my in-law's house on Thursday night.

Here we all are except for Chris' grandparents who were there.  Sweet Mamaw is taking all the pics.

Chris' brother, Michael and his wife, Ashley recently moved to New Orleans so Michael could begin his MDiv at NOTBS.  We are so thrilled for all of the things that the Lord is doing in their lives but we sure do miss them.  It stinks quite frankly.  Here they are.

We miss them so much and so do the twinsies.  I think that the feeling is mutual.

The next day we headed over to my dad's to celebrate.  We had a blast.

Pappy loves his Emmy.  I can't write too much about my dad because it gets me all weepy but he's just the best.  Yep.  I'm already tearing up.

This is my little sister, Abbi.  Isn't she adorable?!  I love her so much and we have a great relationship.  She is such a natural with kids and the babies love her.

My little brother, Nic.  He's hilarious and has a heart of gold.  We got him some fun mustaches and a harmonica.  Sorry to my parents. :)

My sweet little man playing with all the paper.

They got them a wagon as one of their gifts and the babies LOVE it.  It was the perfect gift.  And there's Gigi (or my step-mom, Sandy).  She is the best gift giver ever.  She's one of those awesome people who listen to you all year just to hear you say what you would like to have and then comes Christmas and you open it up!  She makes all holidays so special.  She always has.  I'm very thankful for her and man does she love those babies.

Please don't ask me what my husband's shirt is about.  Yes, it involves wrestling and that's all I'm going to say.  He's a nut.

We had a couple of other places in between but here is Emma with my mom on Christmas eve at my grandmother and grandfather's house.  My mom is so great with the babies.  They love their Mama D and she's pretty smitten herself.  She is one of the most selfless people that I know.  I wish that I was just half as generous as she is.  She's a wonderful mother and I hope to be like her in so many ways.

This is my cousin Angela and her sweet boy-friend, Bobby.  Even though technically I am the oldest child, Angela has always been more like an older sister to me.  We were together a lot as children and I just adore her.  I know that I used to drive her crazy because I copied everything she did but she was always very patient with me as I developed my own interests. :)

This is my sister Katie and her new husband, David.  They are the cutest.  I am so thankful that the Lord sent her such a godly man who loves her so much.  They are great and I love it when I get to spend time with them.

Me and Em.

I love this picture so much.  This is my Paw and Chance.  My grandfather had a really bad stroke years ago and hasn't been able to really move the left side of his body since.  It's been hard on him and my grandmother but they are the picture of understanding that this world is not our home.  He has so much hope and loves Jesus with all of his being.  He always has the sweetest attitude and would give the shirt off his back to someone in need.  I cherish my time with him.

Sunday morning we headed to my mom's house to do Christmas with her.  Chris is on staff at our church so he had to be there Christmas eve and Christmas morning.  I got to my mom's around 10:45 and he joined us around noon.  Here is Chance getting to the goods.

Bless their hearts.  They didn't get anything for Christmas.

And here we are at Chris' grandparent's house.  They go all out with prime rib and shrimp for lunch so we always look forward to the company and good food.

Here are the girls.  Chris' mom's parents had three kids, two girls and one boy.  They all got married and they all had sons.  There are no grand-daughters or nieces.  So, when Chris and I got married and they all got a girl it was a big deal.  Now three of the grandsons are married, we just added Emma and Andrea (on the far right) is having a little girl in April!  So we are finally filing the house up with some girls.  We are kind of a big deal over there. :)

And here they are, all the boys.  I think they are all so cute.  Seven grandsons and now Chance.

This is Chris' mom, Lana.  Isn't she pretty?  She is one sweet and happy Granna.

It's not too clear but there are Mamaw and Pawpaw on the right.  They are true examples of leaving a legacy of love.

And then we had a wee little photo shoot but I'll spare you...this time.

We finished the day with Chris' dad, Ronnie, step-mom, Tracy, and Michael and Ashley coming over to our house.

Here are the guys playing with the babies.  Pops is a great grandfather.  He's so sweet with them.

This picture will break me out in hives if I stare at it too long.  No worries...it looks much different today.  We now have an organized mess. :)

Here's Ronnie and Tracy.  Notice Ronnie's stain...Emma got him right off the bat.

So, all in all it was a great few days.  We were (and are) slap worn out but I wouldn't have it any other way.  The babies were so good everywhere we went.  I know it wasn't always fun to be in and out of their car seats so much but they were troopers.  I loved our time with family, whether we see them every week or twice a year, it was a great visit.

I will be posting part II this week sometime.  Don't worry, no more pics just some thoughts that were running wild though my mind and heart over the last few days.

I hope that you guys had a great Christmas, too.  I'm thankful that Jesus tolerates us celebrating His birthday on a day that most likely isn't even His birthday.  He's a good God.