What I really want.

I should be taking advantage of the fact that both babies are asleep by cleaning something (anything) but I'd rather be here.

I was folding laundry last night and was looking out over our living room.  It was a sweet scene so I snapped at picture.  As soon as I looked back at the pic on my phone, I started thinking about how different our Christmas looked just one year before.

Just a few months ago I wondered how long it would be before our home would be filled with toys, drool, baby laughs, etc.  And now look at us.

What a difference (not to mention the quality of camera phone) from one year to the next.  I would have never believed that our Christmas of 2011 would look anything like this.

Obviously, our life has changed a lot since October.  As you parents know, priorities change, opinions change, schedules change, sleep changes, etc. when babies come along.  Perspectives change.  Everything is different.  But the changes of my daily life doesn't compare at all to the heart change that has taken place inside of me.

There's already so much that I want for my kids.  I don't want them to suffer, I want them to marry someone who adores them, I want them to have a life-long friend, I want them to do what they love...there is just so much.  But while I was changing Emma into her sweet little pajamas last night, I was praying for her and telling the Lord that all I really want was for her to love Him.  There is nothing more important in life nor is there any other purpose but to know Jesus.  But here is the tension, am I going to set my mind and goals for her (and Chance) on the worldly desires that I have for her or am I going to be an example for the fact that loving God and knowing Him is what life is about.

It's very easy to say that what we want most is for our children to live their lives for Jesus but to live it out is a totally different ball game.  How do we spend our time as parents?  What do our kids do that makes us the most proud?  What do you think your kids would say if you asked them the question, "What do you think is most important to me concerning your life?"

Because here's the thing, them really loving Jesus may look a little different than we hope for.  It may mean that they make decisions that aren't "logical".  It may mean that they might not always live in the same state as you do.  It may mean that they suffer.  It may mean that they can't always give you the answer that you want them to.  It may even mean that you don't have them on this Earth as long as you want.

Over the years, I've become a little uncomfortable with this whole praying for protection thing.  What if we are always so busy "protecting" our kids and ourselves that we miss what God was trying to expose us to all along?  I'm not saying that you should throw your kids in a dark ally but I do think that we should all be a little more open to what God would have us see or experience.

I was just very challenged by the Lord last night when I was praying that all I wanted was for Emma and Chance to love Jesus.  That's true.  I do.  But I need to keep an open heart that not only do I need to model that by not becoming obsessed over my own Earthy performance along with theirs but I also need to understand that it may mean that their lives look different than I may dream up for them.  I want them to store up treasures in heaven that will last for eternity rather than treasures on Earth that will not last and will not benefit.

So, in saying all of that, I know that I still just have babies and that the rubber will meet the road before I know it.  But one day, if someone is ever to ask my children what their mom wanted most for them my hope is that they are able to say that I just wanted them to know Jesus.  The One who is worthy of all praise.